Friday, January 18, 2013

What`s all this nonsense about luck that you speak of?

Dude set firecrackers to my cat!

This is Kyo, our protagonist. At this moment, our blond friend hides behind a dumpster in a dingy graffiti decorated alley with a brand new camera in his hands. Now, what was our protagonist up to? Well, he was being a stalker. He was snapping shots of the ruby eyed male selling drugs to a shabby looking teen whose countenance portrayed the futures of one who seemed to always be higher than Heaven.

No, this was not his job. He was not even being paid to do this. He worked as a journalist for Pets Weekly. But that animal abuser a few feet away from him deserved justice called upon his sorry ass, and this was proof enough. Smiling to himself smugly, Kyo got up from his crouching position as soon as the teen entered a rusty red door at the other end of the deserted alley.

"Ha! You`re so screwed, Kia! Or should I call you dick instead? Your parents should have named you dick!" Kyo shouted to the red eyed man he was stalking, who was now striding towards him.

"See this camera? Has your illegal crud all in it! You`re over, dude. So screwed!" Kyo continued, now taking small steps back. Kia smirked as he picked up a trash can lid from the floor. Kyo`s yellow eyes widened.

"Careful. It might explode!" our antagonist warned before turning around and making a full sprint through the alleys that formed quite a complicated brain aching maze. Kyo turned his head around to see the lid flying at his direction. Hitting him directly at the back of his head before the lid exploded, not effecting the blond`s hair.
 Kyo fell face flat on the asphalt, flinging his camera in the air as he did. The camera made a full flying arc before landing on a rooftop of one of the six story apartments with a ear-aching thud. Kyo got up and stared at the cloudless sky in disbelief.

"How is that... I barely threw... What the chocolate fudge?!" He exclaimed, flailing his arms around. 

"Kia! Oi, Kia! Did you see that?!" Kyo turned around and asked. "It flew! It literally spread wings and took off!"
Kyo pointed at the ground accusingly. "Gravity, you cruel beast! Choosing your allies now, it seems. Bastard!" Then he faced the spiky azure haired Kia. "By the way,that`s five hundred and twenty two cameras you owe me, dude." 

"Glad to confirm that you still keep your end of a child's promise."

"No. I simply enjoy announcing my could-have-been accomplishments to the world." Kyo retorted, rolling his eyes. "I`ll get you back for this."

"Good to know. I`ll be on my way then." Kia replied, ruffling Kyo`s shabby hair as he passed the journalist. Curse that stupid promise! Why did we make it, anyway? Ridiculous. At this rate, he`ll keep winning and my cat`s disappearance will go unavenged! Such crime must not go unpunished! Especially ones to do with furry friends!

"Told you to keep your pie hole shut, you blond freak!" Kyo scolded himself aloud as he navigated through the labyrinth back to his own apartment block.

"That would be breaking a promise. Then i`d be stooping to his level." Kyo then lectured his self.

"His crimes are just gonna keep escalating then!" Kyo countered.

 Kia had been Kyo`s best friend until up until around a year back, when Kia committed a crime Kyo could never find the heart to forgive. After that, Kyo told Kia that their friendship was over and he never wanted to see the criminal ever again. What irritated Kyo was how, even after reporting Kia`s criminal activities to the police, he never got caught. Evidence had a way of playing at Kia`s favor. Either there was no evidence at all, or the evidence could not pin-point the exact criminal. It`s him! It`s all him! From the illegal animal trading to the endangered animals stealing and even being involved in the trading of animal furs and pelts! 

A few blocks away from home, Kyo let out a loud scream of frustration, pretty sure that it was heard all the way outer space. No! We`ve got to stop him before it`s too late! The animals need a hero! And i`m gonna be there for them!

"What are one of the many problems people face? Having a purpose in life. Yuu gave you a purpose. Your purpose is to put him behind bars, get it?" Kyo asked himself, before nodding and entering his apartment building. He greeted the small old man sitting by the porch. He was always sitting by the porch. Did he ever sleep or eat? Kyo did not know. Maybe at his age, the body adepts to deriving nutrition from the air? The man had been there since he had moved in, and was there still. 

"Catching a criminal in action is like watching the birth of a baby lion. So rare it happens to us, yet you have observed its occurrence countless times. Smile." The old man often spoke random sentences to Kyo, never directly looking at the blond to direct the message specially at him. Everyone needs a mad old man in their lives. Everyone. Today Kyo was told that he would soon find her and to not worry. He also mumbled on about singing and safety as Kyo took the stairs up because the lift was perpetually out of order.. 

Kyo entered his apartment block. There was the main hall, where the television was left running. His room door was shut. He nodded. Just as I had left it. The blond`s eyes then widened as he headed to the kitchen with haste, where he heard the sounds of life loud at play. (And the shattering of a ceramic on cement.)

Kyo stared at the hourglass figured female of similar height standing beside the kitchen counter. Her strawberry milkshake locks cascaded down her back to her waist to form bouncy ringlets, and the humongous orange eyes which filled one third of her face stared at her feet guiltily. She wore a white blouse with cherry polka dots and a pink pleated mini-skirt. Many of Kyo`s acquaintances considered him a lucky berry for getting to live with such a `hawt chick`. Around the aforementioned chick was tiny pieces of what used to be a tiny yellow ceramic cup. 

"Eva, how? How do you manage to break every breakable object in this house?" Kyo asked as he walked towards to help her clean the broken ceramic peaces.

"Everything`s breakable, bro. You don`t see me killing the tele, do you?" The pink haired beauty said. Rarely did Kyo inform his acquaintances that they were related. Don`t ask, don`t tell, right? 

"That`s cause you like the tele." 

"Stop buying breakable objects, then!" When she looked up to face him, her pink eyebrows knitted. Kyo was about to tell her that it would have been weird to serve guests using plastic plates and cups, but she spoke first.

"What happened to your head? It had a band-aid on it!" her eyes grew smaller in suspicion. "Was it that Kia again? Didn`t I tell you not to go anywhere along a 100 foot radius of him?" 

"Not till he stops tormenting the innocent without a voice to fend themselves!" Kyo said, raising his fist to add effect.

Eva rolled her eyes and went to the living room. Kyo stretched before following her. There Aya sat with a plastic cup filled with tea in her right hand and the remote in her left.

"What`s on?" Kyo asked, joining her.


"The Ever Awesome Stereotypical Five?" A sweat drop appeared at the back of Eva`s head.

"You make the show sound lame. It`s at episode 48 of Season 128 already! See? Here Yki, the obnoxious blue haired bimbo, has finally gotten the hero to fall in love with her. What she doesn`t know is that Dai accidentally sold her soul to the Bear they met at  Brown Riber. He did it in accident, mind you. So he`s trying his best to make her remaining time left alive a joyful one. In the last episode he consulted Blu, that canine best friend of his with the pointy shades, for advice on keeping the fairer sex happy until they died. Blu`s cool, gave all the advice needed." Kyo nodded, not understanding crap.

"Then who`s that silver haired boy he`s talking to now who`s telling him that Blu wants Yki to himself?"

"Oh, he`s Kid. Kid`s IQ is higher than them four put together. Dai should listen to him, although I doubt he will. Kid`s still a kid, you know. Being a kid has it`s downsides. Adults don`t take you seriously and all." Aya took a loud sip of tea from her cup. "Mm, that huge muscular blue dude is Sao." She said, pointing to the screen. "He sticks around with Kid cause he`s too dumb to think for himself. Besides, Kid likes having a friend around cause he`s been afraid of the `dark` ever since his parents died when he was little. Episode 52 is said to reveal more of his past!"

Kyo nodded, causing Eva to grin and continue fangirling over the show. "Personally, I don`t think Dai should date Yki. I bet she`s not gonna die, anyway. Blu has resurrection voodoo after all. And he`s not gonna let her die. Dai should have dated that smart chick, Jun. Sadly, they killed her off at episode 37 of this season. Blu deserves Yki. They can both be vain and stupid together. But with all this commotion, the actual case in hand is getting no where! They keep dragging the story! Kid and Sao seem to be the only rational characters in the show. Too bad that Kid`s plotting to go against Dai if Yki dies or gets hurt or something. Meh. He says she`s like a sister to him. And Sao seems to get the least air time cause I think it`s--"

"90% of everything is crud. Sturgeon`s law. People like watching crud." Kyo stated as he rubbed his neck, getting up.

"Your face is crud." Eva said angrily, crossing her arms.

"Thank you for the compliment." He said in mock tone, bowing. "Farewell." The blond walked towards his room before his sister hollered at him.

"Jerk, wait! Here`s something you should look at!" She said, throwing the newspapers at him. With fear filled eyes, he dodged it. It landed unharmed beside his door.

"Careful! It could have blown up our entire block!"

She rolled her eyes as he picked it up and read the front headlines aloud.

"`Man claims to have lost lucky charm bracelet. Willing to pay one million to whomever finds and returns it.`" He looked up at the girl who`s attention was glued to the television. "How does this sort of news make the front page?" Eva shrugged. 

"Shut up. Show`s getting interesting." Kyo studied the news further to find a clear photograph of the bracelet beside the article. It was quite modest in design, silver in colour. A green four leaf clover in the middle. Hm , looks familiar enough.

"Heh, look at this. `The man swears that the bracelet brings only good luck. It has done so for him for years. He`s worried that if it`s powers fall into the wrong hands, terrible things could occur`. It`s an accessory, for Slinkie`s sake! What`s wrong with people? Heh. Remember the news about the woman claiming to have been raped by the eye of Mordor?"

"Mm?"  Eva replied, her Mm void of attention. Without tearing her eyes away from the screen, she spoke. "Imagine the consequence if the charm fell into Kia`s grasp. Just saying."

"Kia`s grasp? Only good luck?" His eyes widened. "Omigosh! What!?"
~Wee! As you can see here, I was bored. Boredom kills. I don`t wanna die early. So I opened up blogger and started pressing buttons to form words which formed sentences which became paragraphs and evolved to a chapter of sorts. I`m gonna write some crap! Crap`s gonna become a crap story! *does a crap dance* Using this as guidelines. (And by guidelines, I mean as in try to add every law in there into the story for fun.) I don`t know what`s happening, and I bet neither does Kyo for that matter. Thanks Rae for the name suggestion!

Chap 2 >>


  1. A chapter of a story, huh? Interesting...color me intrigued. If you don't mind, I'd like to take a closer look at this little excerpt so I can make some in-depth comments; if you're looking to write more, then I'm willing to lend a hand. (Fair warning, though -- it might take me a little while to get everything down.)

    Also, I had no idea anime operated under so many rules. Clearly there's more logic than most people would suspect.

    1. ~OMG I`d love that!! And would you really be willing to help? =D *dances!* I`ve been trying to get my friends to write something, anything, with me! But they`re all like, meh. I`ve gotten the next chapter sort of planned out, but there`s no real direction yet.

      ~IKR! Anime`s awesome-sauce like that! So much logic it defies logic!

  2. Okay, so I've read over the first chapter a couple of times. And I've spent some time mulling over it, and thinking about what I wanted to say. And I think that finally, I can offer a bit of constructive criticism. (Fair warning: I don't intend to sound harsh, so don't take it that way. Just trying to help.)

    So, in a nutshell? I like it -- and more importantly, I see some potential here.

    Let's focus on the positives first. What's obvious to me about your writing style -- both here and in the comments you leave -- is that you're bursting with energy. I get the sense that when you write, you bring a lot of voltage to each word -- almost as if you're trying to energize the reader. I don't know if that was your intention or not (i.e. if you wanted to capture that anime spirit for a parody or otherwise), but it's definitely something you could harness and refine. The story -- or this chapter, at least -- moves at a rapid clip, with characters bursting with energy and events going down in a short amount of time. If a fast pace is something you're aiming for, then by all means keep at it; again, harness and refine it until it becomes your unique element.

    Even with that aside, your characters carry the story and move it forward -- they keep things bouncing, so to speak. Kyo is the most interesting of the bunch; his antics and "ally of justice" mentality kept me entertained throughout. As did the jokes and such sprinkled throughout; more often than not, you slip in lines that are bound to put a smile on a reader's face. Admirable stuff, to be sure.

    1. Now let's switch over to the negative. I've been trying to think of the simplest way to phrase this, and I think I might have found it: you need to slow down. I know I just praised you for the fast pace and energy, but important to keep them under control. In my eyes, most of your stumbles come from you trying to get in as many details and explanations as you can in a short space -- and the story suffers as a result. Things like "Then he faced the spiky azure haired Kia" is one example, and the paragraph that starts with " Kia had been Kyo`s best friend" is another; there are ways to weave details, exposition, and other information into the story more naturally.

      My biggest recommendation is to extend each chapter. I have a sneaking suspicion that this chapter could have been broken into at least two -- especially if you give each scene and detail time to expand. Take time to describe a character or a scene a bit more. Explain things in relation to one another based on their position. Don't tell the reader the exact reason for a character's action or motivation; either save it for later, work bits and pieces of it (or hints of it) into the story, or give them time to develop. "Show, don't tell" is something you might want to keep in mind.

      With that aside, there is something I've been wondering about while reading this: exactly how "animesque" is this supposed to be? In my case, some of the traits and mannerisms aren't a problem (I couldn't help but nod at the "canine wearing pointy shades"), but it's just a matter of knowing your audience. If you say "a sweat drop appeared on the back of her head," there are going to be people turned off by that -- or otherwise just wonder how that's supposed to work. Same goes for the eye and hair colors. I'm not chalking this up as a negative, but it's something you might want to be mindful of. You could even play with those anime elements and expectations if you want -- have a little fun with them here and there.

      Well, that'll just about wrap things up. I just want you to know that I'm in a good place with this story; it could use some editing, of course, but overall it leaves me with a good feeling -- and it should do the same for you. Take some time to figure out how to proceed from here; play around a bit to find a pace that suits you, and decide how much or how little detail is the right amount to add at any given time. Be wary of your weaknesses, but always keep your strengths in mind -- and develop them so that they become a part of your signature style.

      Long comment short? Keep it up -- if you've got a passion for writing, you've got what it takes to put a smile on a reader's face.

    2. ~I don`t know, I think my writing style follows my mood? And currently my mood has been not very cheerful =( (Life is stressful atm >_<) It could also have been influenced by the fact that I used to play MMORPG games where my speech was quite bubbly.

      ~I`m worried that Kyo will go out of character if I continue now, he`s just too optimistic!! >_<

      ~Yeah, I`ve been told the opposite of this before by my teachers that I write my stories too long winded.... So I tried so hard to cut down on detail and try to get the story moving super fast! But yes, I see the flaw there *glares evilly at story* I need to achieve BALANCE! I`ll also have to work on the `show, not tell.` *sigh* Thanks for pointing that out! ^^

      ~Oh, yea! The "animesque" part, I hated writing those! It`s so, well, weird! But how to make it sound anime without adding those stuff anime has? o.o The hair, DYE! Hehe! In college there`s plenty of those rainbow heads! They conquer the hallways!

      ~I think I have a rough idea of how to proceed the whole thing, but now, after having a rough idea of it, it seems like so much work to put it all in words.... Also, super thanks again!! ^^


~Everyone loves comments, and so do I! Critiques are much appreciated too! I`ll drop by your blog to reply~ ^^